The International Schoolof Energy Medicine

Do you increasingly feel at the mercy of inner and outer conflicts that you believe are beyond your understanding or control? Whether you are aware of it or not, the various pressures imposed by your home and work environments take a daily toll on your physical and emotional well-being. When these are accompanied by low self-esteem, avoiding difficulties, or denial that there are any problems, the consequences can be very damaging to your relationships, to work, and, most importantly, to yourself. Your distress or discomfort may not just manifest itself in feelings of victimization and powerlessness, however unwanted habits and addictions are also a strong signal to yourself and others that all is not well. Taking control of your life means deciding that you are going to be the "driver" and not simply a "passenger," and taking full responsibility for the direction your life takes.

What is control?

Life is full of unpredictable events, and, inevitably, there will be times when you feel overwhelmed and faced with situations you feel unable to make sense of or resolve. To have control over your life is to understand yourself what makes you tick and be willing to work on those aspects of yourself that are causing you difficulties. It also involves developing a confident, assertive response to change, viewing it as an integral part of life that doesn't simply cause upheaval, but offers opportunities for creative decisions and growth.

Take Sarah. When her father died, Fay, her invalid mother, insisted on moving into Sarah's home to be taken care of, despite the fact that Carol had two small children to look after. Carol's husband, Tony, resented Fay's presence in the household and started to make increasing demands on Sarah's time. Sarah felt desperate, slipping into a victim mentality where life seemed loaded against her. During a session with me she realised how her negative feelings were making her seriously depressed, so we dealt with them so that she could view the situation calmly
and rationally. She acknowledged the powerful emotional pull her mother had over her, and at the same time realized that she could not be all things to all people.

During the following months she helped Fay decide that she would be more comfortable in a nearby sheltered accommodation, where she could visit her regularly. The tension was lifted from her home and her husband felt he could relax again and family life became happy and content again. After a few sessions Sarah’s depressed also lifted and she was able to feel in control of her life and happiness

"Know thyself"

There are 2 categories of people. Internals and Externals. Internals are people who see themselves as having control over events and the choices that they make. An Internal is likely to have come from a background that valued individuality, encouraged a healthy degree of risk-taking and experimentation, viewed change with curiosity and excitement, and taught how to approach disappointment in a constructive way. As a result, Internals learn to trust their talents, judgment, and ideas. Crucially, they form the conviction that their life will be what they decide to make of it.Externals, on the other hand, tend to feel that their lives are decided by other people and circumstances outside themselves. They will have received less positive influences during their development. They might have been subjected to constant criticism, or surrounded by an atmosphere that expected failure.

Get in Control

Few people feel that everything in their life is out of control all of the time. One issue mentioned earlier is that of feeling confident in some areas of our lives, but not in others. For example, you might be an excellent boss when it comes to meeting productivity and financial targets, but flounder when you have to discuss a personal issue with an employee. Or your personal life may pose no problems, but your work life is dogged by a sense of inadequacy.

You can’t control events and other people; neither should you try to. What you can do however, is control yourself and your reactions. Another way is to start looking at those situations that make you feel in control and feel good about yourself and those that produce the opposite effects. Remember that the choice to live with confidence, optimism and courage is yours. All these qualities can be developed and can steer you toward positive and not negative control.

Negative Control

Negative control is the need to control people or events outside yourself, or to get others to do things for you. Whereas positive control is rooted in mastery of yourself, negative control often seeks to impose discipline on people or things that lie outside, even to the extent of wanting them to control you.

Negative control is driven by fear

F= False

E= Evidence

A= Appearing

R= Real

Julie was 40 when she discovered that her husband Bill was having an affair. Despite the fact that the marriage had been unhappy for years, the thought of coping on her own filled Julie with dread. Feeling trapped and helpless, Julie focused all her energy on controlling her home; she became fanatically tidy. If anyone so much as displaced a cushion, Julie became disproportionately agitated. Too frightened to deal with the real issues of her life, she clung desperately to controlling its insignificant details.

Fear and feeling out of control are keys to all kinds of obsessive behaviour. In compulsive hand-washing, for example, or the irrational need to check and recheck locks, people act out the compulsion to give an illusion of control over their anxiety.

Positive control

Julie’s husband finally left, her first reaction was one of panic. It was not until she sought my help that she found the courage to go back to work and was able to begin the process of rebuilding her self-esteem.

Julie realised that she had never taken full responsibility for her life and blamed her husband for the failure of their relationship. She had let him direct the course of things and had then resented him for it. In order to feel in control, she had used various manipulative tactics to win what she felt were small triumphs over her husband, such as persuading him to go on foreign holidays although he hated going abroad.

For Julie, the determination to take charge of her own happiness and fulfilment was an essential step in assuming control of her life. Soon she was coping with the children, the house and garden and her job, and the effort and perseverance that all of this demanded strengthened her inner resolve and showed her what she was capable of.

By accessing your strengths and using them, you can establish an outlook that is both positive and dynamic. Make things happen rather than waiting passively to see what Fate delivers to your door and you will discover the real meaning of freedom.

Pennie Quaile-Pearce SRN MSc LCH RMA Cert Ed

Is CEO of Acorn to Oak.Her experience encompasses over 20 years in the field of orthodox medicine, specialising in trauma and intensive care. It also includes work with the Red Cross and International Voluntary Services (IVS). In 1992 she retrained as a Homoeopath. In 1994 as a Reiki Master/Teacher, In 1996 a Bodhisoul® Breathwork Practitioner. A Life and Spiritual coach/guide, Spiritual Response Therapist. A trained teacher. Clients call Pennie a ‘spiritual midwife’ as she helps them re-birth themselves into a new way of being.

Pennie is offering a free 30-minute chat to help you explore your options and what best next step will serve you here right now. To book one of these free sessions use this link http://meetme.so/penniequailepearceor go to www.acorntoak.org.uk and

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